I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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