Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
