I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
