I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
