girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
