Cold hands, warm shart.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
