shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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