You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Having a random hookup so left but love u
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
