I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
