ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
