Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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