I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
