sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
