my soul wont recognize me after tonight
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
