She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
