Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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