Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
is wine microwaveable?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
