How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
