$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
