I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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