summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
