i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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