You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
