bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
