Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
