I want to walk on stilts...naked
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
