Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
