Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
