I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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