sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
