is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
