I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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