I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
