I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
