At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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