So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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