What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
