Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
