From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
