can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
