I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
