opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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