Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
