that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
