new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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