Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Define "chronic" masturbator.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it's like iHOP with fire
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
