We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
