I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
