He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
