i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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