I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
