non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
