I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
