I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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